Waiting....
I wait for a call on weekends, I just pray my phone rings for a second, I miss that small miss call-twinkle, that sweet call which made me stand up, opened up my eyes,cheered me up, made me feel loved, made me a little sane.
But it was the same person on the other end almost two months back who literally pushed me to the edge of insanity. It sends shivers down my spine when I remember the glimpses of that conversation, she very calmly saying I had ruined her big day, I was a jerk, I was weird. Dear at that moment I can tell u it was like lightening striking me, that to pure 440 watt.
I could not comprehend the volley of allegations that she levelled on me, I felt used, a little crimp not worth happy things in life, I am normal funny guy & then one word "weird" struck me, I was unable to comprehend what I had done, what she expected me to do or what she had going on the back of her mind, CHAOS engulfed my mind, the dejected look was writ large on my face, everyone just said I had gone yellow & maa even speculated it to be jaundice, I can just say I was shaken to the core, but after a few days I tried analysing what actually transpired between me & her, I was afraid to analyse but I have to face the music.
I wanted to share everything with her & expected the same from her,, but I think that was my shortcoming, for a career oriented girl I think my care-free attitude was a big red light,, for her I was her friend who was there in her moments of distress, happiness, emptiness & almost everything else, & not the ONE. I was just a nice friend for her, whereas my crazy mind took altogether a different view-point of our relationship, maybe I became dependent on her, maybe I was just throwing myself on her, maybe she didn't want me even as a close friend.
I was there for her but I guess she didn't expect to make herself available for me, she expected me to make er smile, cheer her up & motivate her & I actually liked doing all that, but ms. smile looked at bigger picture of life, she knew when to move on, she knew that one gotta stick to the persons who are gonna be helpful in long run. I was a baggage for her & the smart lady knows how to get weirdos like me off her back.
My perspective has changed a lot, at least I have stopped blaming myself for the whole mess, she is equally responsible for this. I was there for her at her will but she was not there when I needed her.
It ended on a sour note. I realise that I had to clear up the matter,I made up mind & presented my side of story to her and asked her to go through it with a calm mind & call me on weekend night, AND that was a good month back. So I still wait for her call.
My side of story
In my life the silence came after the storm & it still remains.
Still Waiting...
added later: but then I found Ms. X [:D] & I am really happy, even my chowkidar is happily whistling out on the streets & stray dogs are barking peacefully. [:P]
But it was the same person on the other end almost two months back who literally pushed me to the edge of insanity. It sends shivers down my spine when I remember the glimpses of that conversation, she very calmly saying I had ruined her big day, I was a jerk, I was weird. Dear at that moment I can tell u it was like lightening striking me, that to pure 440 watt.
I could not comprehend the volley of allegations that she levelled on me, I felt used, a little crimp not worth happy things in life, I am normal funny guy & then one word "weird" struck me, I was unable to comprehend what I had done, what she expected me to do or what she had going on the back of her mind, CHAOS engulfed my mind, the dejected look was writ large on my face, everyone just said I had gone yellow & maa even speculated it to be jaundice, I can just say I was shaken to the core, but after a few days I tried analysing what actually transpired between me & her, I was afraid to analyse but I have to face the music.
I wanted to share everything with her & expected the same from her,, but I think that was my shortcoming, for a career oriented girl I think my care-free attitude was a big red light,, for her I was her friend who was there in her moments of distress, happiness, emptiness & almost everything else, & not the ONE. I was just a nice friend for her, whereas my crazy mind took altogether a different view-point of our relationship, maybe I became dependent on her, maybe I was just throwing myself on her, maybe she didn't want me even as a close friend.
I was there for her but I guess she didn't expect to make herself available for me, she expected me to make er smile, cheer her up & motivate her & I actually liked doing all that, but ms. smile looked at bigger picture of life, she knew when to move on, she knew that one gotta stick to the persons who are gonna be helpful in long run. I was a baggage for her & the smart lady knows how to get weirdos like me off her back.
My perspective has changed a lot, at least I have stopped blaming myself for the whole mess, she is equally responsible for this. I was there for her at her will but she was not there when I needed her.
It ended on a sour note. I realise that I had to clear up the matter,I made up mind & presented my side of story to her and asked her to go through it with a calm mind & call me on weekend night, AND that was a good month back. So I still wait for her call.
My side of story
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
but I guess I failed, we let us down.
(first 2 lines- Broken by Seether)
In my life the silence came after the storm & it still remains.
Still Waiting...
added later: but then I found Ms. X [:D] & I am really happy, even my chowkidar is happily whistling out on the streets & stray dogs are barking peacefully. [:P]
posted by Ginni @ 2:41 AM
12 Comments:
hmmm... ladki bus aur train....
LOL... I like the first comment :D
Tum ladke aise hi hote hain....When a girl thinks u as a frend and tries to be close, you guys take it in the other sense. But thats the normal thing. I dont really know how things were between you both.
And what I liked:
'My perspective has changed a lot, at least I have stopped blaming myself for the whole mess, she is equally responsible for this.'
In one sense we all are facing similar problems. I meant the people we know through their blogs. I guess these problems only motivate people like us to start blogging. Isnt it?
@ Rohan: Lesson learnt a little late.. [:D]
@ Rupi: Teri aankhon ke siwa duniya main rakha kya hain [:D]
@bebo a.k.a darsh a.k.a sh d:
When a girl says "I like u, but can't love u" , tell me honestly & frankly what should I have done, I could not help falling in love,, & I stood for her in her moments of distress,, & she just insulted me & left me when I needed her..
good or bad I need to write about it,, ponder over it,, & I will..
but im happy I lost who never loved me & she lost d person who loved her the most.. [:)]
& for ur info all guys r not male chauvinist pigs,, atleast im not..
all the best dude
Hello Hello...Ek naam se pukaro na...
It seems she has confused u at times when she needed u...but then this is gals idea of fooling around with guys-I like you but cant love you.Sad that you cudnt recoganize it. Ginni yaar be smart...Its ok if you write all these on ur blog once in while, but make sure u dont write or ponder over it always, esp if the gal is reading ur blog. Why give unnecesary importance to ppl to dont deserve it.
And look who's saying ;-)
Hi Buddy
Mere saath bhi kuch aise hi hua tha..
Life moves on..
She`s not worth it..
@ Siddahrt:
point noted,, lesson learnt,, Yes I have moved on,,[:)] riding on the same boat...
@Bebo:
yeah look who is talking,, life has much more than relationships..so we gonna talk about them now nah..
I think you should keep writing till you've spilled out every single thing going on inside your mind and heart. That's what blogs are about. It's YOUR blog and you should write about anything and everything you feel like writing about.
Don't care about who's reading and who's not. Write for yourself, not others.
@ Rupi:
Aapka hukum sir-aankhon par :)
I don't write,I talk in this space. I need to reflect & improve,that's my philosophy & I have learnt my lessons. More or less I have stopped waiting. & I am happy.
All peace out..
ohh kudhiye kiddah [:D]
you r jus short of being INSANE like me...but dont worry in these two months left tht u r at home i'll make u ONE....indeed THE ONE.
@ Gagan
aap apne dimaag ka illaz karvalo [:D]
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