JustBeUrself

Reh I watched a movie by this name last night,, I had scrubbed my books enough I decided to give TV a shot,, (literally), reh bhai itni dravni aur bhayanak film really effected me physhologically. My cable wallah shows movies ranging from dada ki dadagiri & reshma ka katal etc,etc. I have asked him a million times to spare me the agony & show good movies but standard reply "Raat ko aashiq log aur chowkidar hi tuh dekhte hai", & to get some sleep I had to watch a little snippets of such movies... :P Next morning I hear voices inside my head asking me to raise my head against all the injustice being meted out to poor people of this country & middle class being just a pawn in the game..
I guess that's whats happening,, millions of cases remain struck in our courts,, & corruption is rampant in every level of judiciary, I have actually experienced it first hand.. A conviction here & there involving some politicians makes great news but I am really cynical regarding what goes on a larger canvas in this country.. X, a higher caste guy in some village of decrepit corner of apna desh has furiously raging hormones,, he can simply cook up some story & rape the lady of poor Dalt family,, if he is really A big shot he can even make the whole family to be stripped naked & paraded in the whole village,, & for police it's just another statistic,, we rally behind getting manu sharma to the gallows but the fact is that's there's million's of such cases,, just the setting is different & we conveniently choose to ignore it,,

The government wishes to bring some tougher legislation, but Shucks they have bigger agendas like reservation for obc ppl & increasing their bulging pay packets,, Manmohan SIngh ji If you really mean like uplifting obc's build schools & get them to requisite level,, you are just rewarding the vote-bank politics,, but the topic at hand is finally regarding equality,, have & have-nots,, debate will go on.. oye also set a Mard Mukti Morcha..PLZ..

I guess I can rant on & on,, but the thing is that angry young man still lives in our hearts even though khan saheb ki love philosophy blinds our eyes,,

& I won't watch anymore movies at night,, (it was exactly crack of dawn)

rukko rang de basanti aa rahi hain,, Bhagat Singh Ji you are great,, hum bhi kisi neta ko phish kardega,, par apun ko Ms. X aur munnah ka khayal rakhna hain,, So tum log try karna..Best of luck..

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aren't I a wailing brute,, we all are.
Ek baande ki teaqlif,dusre ka tamaasha..
But I think I will make difference

I guess I am just one of the statistic in this figure.
Stephen King even wrote a book tittled "Insomnia" & Hollywood produced a movie somehow.
The main reasons listed are stress & anxiety, but I guess I am OK.

"Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking"- Clifton Fadiman

Wishful Thinking :D

I wait for a call on weekends, I just pray my phone rings for a second, I miss that small miss call-twinkle, that sweet call which made me stand up, opened up my eyes,cheered me up, made me feel loved, made me a little sane.

But it was the same person on the other end almost two months back who literally pushed me to the edge of insanity. It sends shivers down my spine when I remember the glimpses of that conversation, she very calmly saying I had ruined her big day, I was a jerk, I was weird. Dear at that moment I can tell u it was like lightening striking me, that to pure 440 watt.

I could not comprehend the volley of allegations that she levelled on me, I felt used, a little crimp not worth happy things in life, I am normal funny guy & then one word "weird" struck me, I was unable to comprehend what I had done, what she expected me to do or what she had going on the back of her mind, CHAOS engulfed my mind, the dejected look was writ large on my face, everyone just said I had gone yellow & maa even speculated it to be jaundice, I can just say I was shaken to the core, but after a few days I tried analysing what actually transpired between me & her, I was afraid to analyse but I have to face the music.

I wanted to share everything with her & expected the same from her,, but I think that was my shortcoming, for a career oriented girl I think my care-free attitude was a big red light,, for her I was her friend who was there in her moments of distress, happiness, emptiness & almost everything else, & not the ONE. I was just a nice friend for her, whereas my crazy mind took altogether a different view-point of our relationship, maybe I became dependent on her, maybe I was just throwing myself on her, maybe she didn't want me even as a close friend.

I was there for her but I guess she didn't expect to make herself available for me, she expected me to make er smile, cheer her up & motivate her & I actually liked doing all that, but ms. smile looked at bigger picture of life, she knew when to move on, she knew that one gotta stick to the persons who are gonna be helpful in long run. I was a baggage for her & the smart lady knows how to get weirdos like me off her back.
My perspective has changed a lot, at least I have stopped blaming myself for the whole mess, she is equally responsible for this. I was there for her at her will but she was not there when I needed her.

It ended on a sour note. I realise that I had to clear up the matter,I made up mind & presented my side of story to her and asked her to go through it with a calm mind & call me on weekend night, AND that was a good month back. So I still wait for her call.

My side of story

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

but I guess I failed, we let us down.
(first 2 lines- Broken by Seether)

In my life the silence came after the storm & it still remains.
Still Waiting...


added later: but then I found Ms. X [:D] & I am really happy, even my chowkidar is happily whistling out on the streets & stray dogs are barking peacefully. [:P]